1.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
2.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
3.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
4.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
5.
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
6.
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
7.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
8.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
9.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
10.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
11.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. ** Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
12.
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
13.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
14.
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
15.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
16.
Spotted on the back of a t-shirt worn by LAPD Bomb Squad: "If you see me running, try to keep up."
17.
Don't you think it's unnerving that doctors call what they do "Practice"?
18.
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
19.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
20.
Did you ever notice that Evian bottled water is Naïve spelled backwards? Think about it...
21.
The grass may actually be greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed!
22.
A Wizard worked in a modern factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants, taking advantage of good nature, would steal his parking spot. This continued until he put up the following effective sign: This Parking Space Belongs To The Wizard. ... Violators Will Be Toad.
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