Playboy Jokes

1.

On Valentine's Day a shy but drunk young man walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar and said "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"

"Yes, I do," she replied, "but go ahead since I'm sure you're going to ask anyway."

"Okay," he said. "How many men have you slept with?"

"That's my business!" she snapped.

"Oh cool!" he said. "How much?"

2.

A 97-year-old prostitute got herself listed in the yellow pages and now claims to be the oldest trick in the book.

3.

What's the difference between the Library of Congress and the House of Representatives?

In the Library of Congress you are not allowed to lick the pages.

4.

Our Unabashed Dictionary defines Xbox as your former girlfriend's pussy.

5.

"Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?" a suspicious wife asked her husband.

"No, I can't," the husband replied. "I distinctly remember taking my shirt off."

6.

A doctor had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty the next day. No matter how hard he tried to forget about it, his shame and sense of betrayal were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear a reassuring voice in his head that said, "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients."

But then he would hear another voice, one that jolted him back to reality. "You are a sick bastard," it whispered, "and a terrible veterinarian."

7.

After years of wondering why he didn't look like his siblings, a man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

"Yes, you were adopted, son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "But it didn't work out, and they brought you back."