1.
A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind.
The blind man replied he would do it by smell.
The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "That's a good piece of fir." "Correct," says the manager, "now try this one."
"That's a bad piece of willow," says the blind man.
"Correct," answers the manager.
With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. "I'm confused," says the blind man, "Can you turn it around?"
The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face.
The blind man says, "Oh, you're trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It's the shit house door off a tuna boat!"
2.
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!"
The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
3.
A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!".
The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter."
The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"
4.
This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy.
"Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning.
"Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one.
She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!".
The guy's like, "Ok!".
So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!".
So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl.
"I can't", says the guy.
The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!".
5.
There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.
7.
A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"
