A Man Will Smile...

1.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' 

The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.' 

2.

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

3.

 After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'

4.
 'I never know how much of what I say is true.' Bette Midler

5. 
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted' . Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' 

6. 
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

7. 
The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.  Margo Kaufman

 

8. 
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

9. 
There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters.  Alice Thomas Ellis

 

10.
 'It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.' Tallulah Bankhead

Vibrating Jokes

1.

A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency" appointment. The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came into the exam room and asked about her problem.

She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina.

So the doctor started

to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing his examination. "I'm sorry, Miss," he said, "but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy , delicate and expensive surgical operation."

"I'm not sure I can afford it," sighed the young woman. "But while I am here could you just replace the batteries? "

2.

A girl says to a salesman, “I need some batteries for my vibrator.”

He motions with his finger, “Come this way…”

She says, “If I could come that way I wouldn’t need a vibrator.”

3.

What do vibrators and soybeans have in common? They are both meat substitutes!

4.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"I dont know why youre shaking...shes gonna EAT me!"

5.

One afternoon, this old lady walked into an adult shop, all trembling and shaky, looking for something. Finally, she walked up to the store attendant, who looks at her curiously.

"Yyyoungggg mannnnn, dooo you seelllll viibrattoors heeeeere???" asked the woman.

Yes, ma'am. We do sell vibrators," answered the man, with a big grin on his face. "Do you want to buy one?"

"Heh-heh-hhellllll nnnnnnooo, younggg mmmmmaaaan. I jussssssst waaannnttt ttttooo knnoww hhhhooooww yyooouu tuuuuurn itttt offfff!!!!" replied the woman.

Get Your Vibrator NOW

zzzzzztt . . zzzzzzttt.... zzzzzzttt