1. What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.
2. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
- You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
3. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
- Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
4. Why do men like smart women?
- Opposites attract.
5. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
- They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
6. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
- When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
7. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
- We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
8. How do men exercise on the beach?
- By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
9. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
- Make him wear shoes.
10. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
- He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
11. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
- All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.
12. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
13. What did God say after creating man?
- I can do so much better.
14. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
- Any place without a drive-up window.
15. What do you call a man with half a brain?
- Gifted.
16. Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
- When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
17. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
- Exchange him.
18. What should you give a man who has everything?
- A woman to show him how to work it.
19. What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
- Telling you his real name.
20. What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
- Put the remote control between his toes.
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