It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener

1.
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-- Henny Youngman

2.
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
-- Ann Bancroft

3.
Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. 
-- Bill Cosby

4.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner

5.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
-- Benjamin Franklin

6.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
-- Henny Youngman

7.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

8.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-- Milton Berle

9.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- George Burns

10.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. 
-- Cindy Garner

11.
When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
-- Elaine Boosler

12.
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." 
I said, "Where's the car?" 
She said, "In the lake."
-- Henny Youngman

13.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
-- Phyllis Diller

15.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-- Henny Youngman

16.
People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
-- Erma Bombeck


17.
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. 
-- James Holt McGavran

18.
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Jim and his wife listened to the instructor declare: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men: "For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Jim leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"
The rest of the story is not pleasant.