Sex Joke - A 50-Year-Old Couple

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. 

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." 

"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." 

"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" 

Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!"

Sex Joke - Turn Around !

A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge black dude standing next to him.

The big black dude looks down upon the small white guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown"

The small white guy faints!! 
 

The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy. 

"What's wrong?"

The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?"

The big black dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown." 

The small white guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around'"

Sex Joke - All Of 'Em

In an elementary school, the teacher gives school work to the class. Everybody writes except little John. The teacher asks him:

Teacher - John, why aren’t you writing?
John - I’m exhausted because of sex.
Teacher - That should not be a problem, write with your left hand. 

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A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. 

The husband: Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!

---

While making love, he says:

- Darling, let's do 68!
- 68??? What's that?
- You do it to me and I'll owe you one.

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Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.
- Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.

As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:

- Gorgonzola!
- Wait, it is not on yet.

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Two friends:

- Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come?
- Of course! How many people are coming?
- Three, if you bring your girlfriend.

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A little boy asked his mother:

- Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
- Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don’t bark.

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One woman stops a taxi.

- To the airport, please.

After ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says:

- You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today.
- Are you kidding me, I am not pregnant.
- Well, you haven’t arrived to the airport yet neither.

---

One man calls emergency:

- Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!

After five minutes, the same man calls back:

- It is OK, I found another one.

---

Pinocchio talks to Gepetto:

- Daddy, my dick is all jagged and crooked so I have no success with girls.
- You know, my son, I didn’t care too much about that detail, but that should not be a problem. Go to the shop, take a sandpaper and fix it.

After some time, Gepetto asks Pinocchio:

- Well, did you resolve the problem with the girls?
- Daddy, since I got the sandpaper who needs the girls anymore.

Sex Joke - Penis vs Alligator

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." 

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer.

"I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". 

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up.

"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".

Sex Joke - Wife In Comma

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. 

On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. 

The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan.

From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. 

The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. 

The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "She choked."

Sex Joke

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. 

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. 

His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. 

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Bill, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"My God, Bill, what happened?" 

"I got fired.."

"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh...she got fired too."

Sex Joke

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. 

The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." 

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. 

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"