It’s not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food
MobiCow
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
About Jesus
Ini adalah kisah benar...ayah aku cerita kat aku dulu...
Ok..masa zaman 1950-an hingga 1960-an..kebanyakkan pegawai kerajaan terdiri daripada orang inggeris...termasuklah pegawai polis...yang pangkat rendah2 ni just orang melayu yang english tak berapa nak betul...setakat boleh yes & not macam tu aje la...
nak di jadikan cerita...ada 1 pegawai polis ni...Inspector White nak test polis2 kat balai dia...so dia panggil sarjan...dia cakap kat sarjan "I'm going out for the whole day..you have to look for the police station for me" then Inspector White pon keluar...tak sampai 5 minit sarjan panggil koperal dan cakap "aku nak keluar...kau tengok2 kan balai" selepas sarajan keluar...koperal panggil lans koperal dan cakap benda yang sama...so tinggal la lans koperal sorang2 aje yang jaga balai...ta sampai 30 minit...Inspektor White pun balik ke balai untuk tengoksiapa yang ada...dia tengok hanya ada lans koperal...
dia pun panggil lan koperal da tanya
Ins. White: Where is the sergeant?
Lan Koperal: Not in
Ins. White: Where is the corporal?
Lans Koperal: Not in
Ins. White: Jesus christ! (marah)
Lans koperal: Not in!!
Ok..masa zaman 1950-an hingga 1960-an..kebanyakkan pegawai kerajaan terdiri daripada orang inggeris...termasuklah pegawai polis...yang pangkat rendah2 ni just orang melayu yang english tak berapa nak betul...setakat boleh yes & not macam tu aje la...
nak di jadikan cerita...ada 1 pegawai polis ni...Inspector White nak test polis2 kat balai dia...so dia panggil sarjan...dia cakap kat sarjan "I'm going out for the whole day..you have to look for the police station for me" then Inspector White pon keluar...tak sampai 5 minit sarjan panggil koperal dan cakap "aku nak keluar...kau tengok2 kan balai" selepas sarajan keluar...koperal panggil lans koperal dan cakap benda yang sama...so tinggal la lans koperal sorang2 aje yang jaga balai...ta sampai 30 minit...Inspektor White pun balik ke balai untuk tengoksiapa yang ada...dia tengok hanya ada lans koperal...
dia pun panggil lan koperal da tanya
Ins. White: Where is the sergeant?
Lan Koperal: Not in
Ins. White: Where is the corporal?
Lans Koperal: Not in
Ins. White: Jesus christ! (marah)
Lans koperal: Not in!!
Upgrading
Dear IT Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the
overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as EPL 5.0, NBA 3.0 and ESPN 2.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
----------------------------------------------------
Reply:
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind; Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an
operating system. Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.
If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1. Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.
Good Luck,
IT Support
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the
overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as EPL 5.0, NBA 3.0 and ESPN 2.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
----------------------------------------------------
Reply:
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind; Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an
operating system. Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.
If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1. Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.
Good Luck,
IT Support
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Getting Married
A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married.
His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.
With a sad face the old man said to his son, ''I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother.''
The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same.
So he decides to go to his mother. ''Mom I want to get married but all the girls that I love,dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.''
His mother smiling said to him,
''Don't worry my son, you can marry any of those girls. You're not his son...
His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.
With a sad face the old man said to his son, ''I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother.''
The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same.
So he decides to go to his mother. ''Mom I want to get married but all the girls that I love,dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.''
His mother smiling said to him,
''Don't worry my son, you can marry any of those girls. You're not his son...
DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room , 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.
'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'
'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'
'I remember that too' she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says ...
'I would have been released today.'
She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room , 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.
'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'
'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'
'I remember that too' she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says ...
'I would have been released today.'
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Who Chopped that Cherry Tree?
Legend has it that George Washington, America's first president, chopped down a cherry tree in his youth. His father saw the damaged tree and asked his son if he knew who did it. George was quoted bravely admitting the truth:
'I can't tell a lie, Pa; you know I can't tell a lie. I cut it with my axe.'
Below is a satire of how some Malaysian politicians circa 2008 may have reacted to the same question:
Abdullah Ahmad Badawi - 'I did not chop down that cherry tree; I was just taking a nap under it.'
Najib Razak - 'I swear that I have never MET that tree.'
Hishamuddin Hussein Onn- '...but I only own a keris ,not an axe; so how to chop down that cherry tree?'
Dr Mahathir Mohamd - 'Apa nama cherry tree, yes, I chopped it down because, I don't like the idea of Pak Lah sleeping under it.'
VK Lingam - 'It could be me, it may be me but I don't think it's me.'
Anwar Ibrahim - 'I did NOT do it, and I am not giving any DNA sample for you to plant on the axe handle.'
Mohd Khir Toyo - 'The new state government should just trim the grass and not waste time asking who cut the tree.'
Ahmad Said (Terengganu MB) - 'I chopped it down because cherry trees are more expensive to maintain than durian trees.'
Azalina Othman - 'Cherry tree is not included in my tourism MOU so I chopped it down. Besides, there are so many unauthorised signboards being put up by Ah Long around that damn tree.'
Shabery Cheek - 'Not me. I challenge you to an open debate on tree cutting.'
S Samy Velu - 'I chopped it down because Hindraf members were using it as a meeting point.
Wira Ali Rustam - 'We have planted durian trees for 50 years and we will plant them for another 50 years. We do not need cheery trees, apple trees , pear trees and all these other foreign trees.'
Rais Yatim - 'You must see the bigger picture, Ahmad Said said cherry trees are expensive to maintain; Ali Rustam said that's against our national identity and, I needed to test my new axe; so you see, it is a WIN-WIN situation all around.'
Sharir Samad - 'I cut the tree because we could no longer afford to subsidise it.'
Karpal Singh - 'The bigfoot creature did it.'
Bung Mokhtar - 'The big monkey did it.'
Pandikar Amin Mulia (Speaker) - 'There is nothing in the standing orders against chopping cherry trees. Kinabatangan duduk, Bukit Gelugor duduk.
Khairy Jamaluddin - 'I did not do it, neither did the Mat Rempits. By the way, what's a cherry tree?'
Lim Kit Siang - 'Cherry tree also you don't know; you are an insult to Oxford!'
Nazri Abdul Aziz - 'Racist, racist, racist! When we cut down durian trees nobody made a fuss. Now...'
Malaysian Citizens - 'Oh for heaven's sake! Somebody please plant something before we all starve to death!'
'I can't tell a lie, Pa; you know I can't tell a lie. I cut it with my axe.'
Below is a satire of how some Malaysian politicians circa 2008 may have reacted to the same question:
Abdullah Ahmad Badawi - 'I did not chop down that cherry tree; I was just taking a nap under it.'
Najib Razak - 'I swear that I have never MET that tree.'
Hishamuddin Hussein Onn- '...but I only own a keris ,not an axe; so how to chop down that cherry tree?'
Dr Mahathir Mohamd - 'Apa nama cherry tree, yes, I chopped it down because, I don't like the idea of Pak Lah sleeping under it.'
VK Lingam - 'It could be me, it may be me but I don't think it's me.'
Anwar Ibrahim - 'I did NOT do it, and I am not giving any DNA sample for you to plant on the axe handle.'
Mohd Khir Toyo - 'The new state government should just trim the grass and not waste time asking who cut the tree.'
Ahmad Said (Terengganu MB) - 'I chopped it down because cherry trees are more expensive to maintain than durian trees.'
Azalina Othman - 'Cherry tree is not included in my tourism MOU so I chopped it down. Besides, there are so many unauthorised signboards being put up by Ah Long around that damn tree.'
Shabery Cheek - 'Not me. I challenge you to an open debate on tree cutting.'
S Samy Velu - 'I chopped it down because Hindraf members were using it as a meeting point.
Wira Ali Rustam - 'We have planted durian trees for 50 years and we will plant them for another 50 years. We do not need cheery trees, apple trees , pear trees and all these other foreign trees.'
Rais Yatim - 'You must see the bigger picture, Ahmad Said said cherry trees are expensive to maintain; Ali Rustam said that's against our national identity and, I needed to test my new axe; so you see, it is a WIN-WIN situation all around.'
Sharir Samad - 'I cut the tree because we could no longer afford to subsidise it.'
Karpal Singh - 'The bigfoot creature did it.'
Bung Mokhtar - 'The big monkey did it.'
Pandikar Amin Mulia (Speaker) - 'There is nothing in the standing orders against chopping cherry trees. Kinabatangan duduk, Bukit Gelugor duduk.
Khairy Jamaluddin - 'I did not do it, neither did the Mat Rempits. By the way, what's a cherry tree?'
Lim Kit Siang - 'Cherry tree also you don't know; you are an insult to Oxford!'
Nazri Abdul Aziz - 'Racist, racist, racist! When we cut down durian trees nobody made a fuss. Now...'
Malaysian Citizens - 'Oh for heaven's sake! Somebody please plant something before we all starve to death!'
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Petua Mujarab
1. Petua Cepat DiPinang - Banyakkan Meminum Air Pinang
2. Menegangkan Kulit Muka - Stapler Tempat Yg Kendur Tu...
3. Menghilangkan Bau Badan - Berendam Dalam Minyak Wangi
4. Melembutkan Rambut - Rendam Kepala Dalam Air Menggelegak. ..
5. Melebatkan Rambut - Cari Baja Rambut...
6. Menghilangkan Ketuat - Potong Dgn Pisau Cukur Cap Buaya... .
7. Mengempiskan Perut - Jgn Makan & Jgn Minum...
8. Mengekalkan Kecantikan - Kekalkan Mekap, Jgn Basuh2...
9. Menyegarkan Mata - Tuang Eye Mo. ..
10. Mengelak Rambut Gugur - Lumur Dengan Gam Gajah...
11. Mengatasi Tumit Pecah - Jalan Berjengket-Jengket
13. Menghaluskan Kulit Muka - Gosok Dgn Kertas Pasir
14. Menaikkan Seri Muka - Makan Kuih Seri Muka Sambil Naik Tangga..
15. Menghilangkan Bau Mulut - Minum Minyak Wangi
16. Menghilangkan Lebam Di Mata - Elakkan Dari Kena Penumbok..
2. Menegangkan Kulit Muka - Stapler Tempat Yg Kendur Tu...
3. Menghilangkan Bau Badan - Berendam Dalam Minyak Wangi
4. Melembutkan Rambut - Rendam Kepala Dalam Air Menggelegak. ..
5. Melebatkan Rambut - Cari Baja Rambut...
6. Menghilangkan Ketuat - Potong Dgn Pisau Cukur Cap Buaya... .
7. Mengempiskan Perut - Jgn Makan & Jgn Minum...
8. Mengekalkan Kecantikan - Kekalkan Mekap, Jgn Basuh2...
9. Menyegarkan Mata - Tuang Eye Mo. ..
10. Mengelak Rambut Gugur - Lumur Dengan Gam Gajah...
11. Mengatasi Tumit Pecah - Jalan Berjengket-Jengket
13. Menghaluskan Kulit Muka - Gosok Dgn Kertas Pasir
14. Menaikkan Seri Muka - Makan Kuih Seri Muka Sambil Naik Tangga..
15. Menghilangkan Bau Mulut - Minum Minyak Wangi
16. Menghilangkan Lebam Di Mata - Elakkan Dari Kena Penumbok..
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